Do you find that personality differences between you and your spouse lead to constant arguements? Is your passive or agressive behavior fueling your spouse’s behavior as well? Liza Shaw joins us to discuss the perils of both passive and agressive behavior and how you can be assertive – voicing your opinion without being abrasive and without letting your spouse walk all over you.

Liza is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist with a private practice in Hicory, NC, where she specializes in couples counseling, family counseling, and grief therapy. You can find out more about Liza and her practice at PowerToThrive.com – or visit PowerToThriveRadio.com for interviews and podcasts. You can also call her office at 828.328.4673

Unemployment is taking a toll on more and more families. While some spouses find themselves suddenly without jobs, others are thrust back into the working world in order to keep the family afloat. These kinds of changes are not only traumatic for the individual, but can cause depression and anxiety that put stress on the marriage and children as well. Dr. Kamala Uzzell joins us to talk about what happens when the family dynamic is shaken by job loss and how you can keep employment issues from taking a toll on your marriage. President of the Triangle Counseling and Research Center joins host Lee Rosen to talk about have to keep your spouse when you lose your job.

Dr. Uzzell is president of the Triangle Counseling and Research Center in Durham and has extensive experience in workforce and career issues, and the treatment of depression, anxiety, and stress. She also holds a Doctorate of Philosophy in Counselor Education and a Masters in Agency Counseling.  You can find out more  about Dr. Uzzell and her practice by calling her office at 919-484-2222 or visiting or website at www.trianglelotus.com

Flowers may be the de facto standard for Valentine’s Day or when you’re in the dog house, but can flowers or a special gift for no reason at all really win you points with your spouse? Ben Buie and Sharon Miller of Lake Boone Florist join us to talk about how to pick the right arrangement for your spouse, how you can add a personal touch for maximum impact, and some interesting flower delivery stories.

The pair also covers what you can do to get the best bang for your buck and if you don’t know where to start, Lake Boone Florist offers a handy flower dictionary on their website. You can find out more at LakeBooneFlorist.com, or by calling them at 1-800-677-6293

Do you feel that your spouse’s lack of appreciation is a sign that he or she is no longer happy with the relationship? Or is your spouse upset with your marriage while you think things are going fine? This dynamic can lead to feelings of betrayal that quickly spiral into much larger problems like suspicion and resentment that can be toxic to your relationship. Charlotte Michie joins us to discuss what role both spouses play in this problem and how you and your spouse can improve your trust and communication to revive the compassion in your relationship.

Charlotte holds Masters degrees in both Social Psychology and Social Work, and does both individual and couples counseling in her Cary, NC practice. You can find out more about Charlotte on her website, CAMichie.com, or by calling her office at 919.467.3661

Affairs or even the suspicion of an affair can drive a huge wedge into a couple’s marriage.  Author Peggy Vaughan joins us in studio to discuss her own experience with her husband’s affair as well as discussing how a married couple can get past the affair on their way to continuing a happy and fulfilling marriage.

Peggy is one of the country’s leading experts on the subject of affairs.  She’s appeared on television shows, in multiple magazines and newspapers, and has written numerous books on affairs and infidelity.  You can find out more about Peggy by visiting her website at DearPeggy.com.  You can also buy her book The Monogamy Myth: A Personal Handbook for Recovering from Affairs at Amazon.com.

Sometimes, the hardest part of getting to marriage counseling is taking care of the cost. Not knowing how counselors bill, or how much counseling will cost can end up putting more pressure on an already strained relationship. Dr. Tina Lepage joins us to discuss what options therapists provide and how to find the therapist that is right for you without spending an arm and a leg on initial sessions with different counselors, as well as how to find out when sliding-scale and pro-bono options are available.

Tina is the founder of Lepage Associates, where she focuses on personal and professional relationship issues, as well as children and family therapy, and personal growth. You can find out more about Tina and her staff by visiting her website at LepageAssociates.com, or by calling her office at 919.572.0000

Is your spouse restless, a snorer, or a night-owl? Do you sleep in separate beds because  you can’t agree on temperature or bedtime? Tina Lepage returns to the show to look at issues that couples face when sleeping in the same bed and the importance of creating a pleasant and relaxing bedtime experience with your spouse.

Tina is the founder of Lepage Associates, where she focuses on personal and professional relationship issues, as well as children and family therapy, and personal growth. You can find out more about Tina and her staff by visiting her website at LepageAssociates.com, or by calling her office at 919.572.0000

Is your marriage lopsided? Is one spouse so emotionally dependent on the other that it is causing tension and stress between the two of you? Jennifer Coleman joins us to examine the line between a healthy and unhealthy emotional dependence on your spouse and what you can do to identify and correct dependency issues in your relationship.

Jennifer is a licensed professional counselor and is a nationally certified counselor who practices with Eastover Psychological and Psychiatric Group in Cornelius, NC, where she works with couples, families and  individuals from young children to adults on issues ranging from depression, anxiety, relationship issues and life transitions. Jennifer is also a Life Transitions Coach with Rosen Law Firm, where she helps clients set goals and priorities to help manage their lives. You can find out more about Jennifer and her practice at EPPG.org

Has physical intimacy taken a back seat to other responsibilities in your marriage?  Have you tried rekindling the spark you and your spouse had when you were first married with little success? Terry Northcutt, Director of Marriage Enrichment Programs with the Family Dynamics Institute,  joins us to discuss how to strengthen that intimate bond and bring passion back to your marriage.  He also discusses the programs and seminars available that are designed to help married couples renew their intimacy.

Terry is a former senior pastor who now serves as the Director of Marriage Enrichment Programs  at the Family Dynamics Institute.    You can find out more about the Family Dynamics Institute and the multitude of courses and workshops they offer by calling 800-650-9995, or visiting FamilyDynamics.net and SaveMyMarriage.com.

Do you ever wish you could bring back the excitement and energy you and your spouse had when dating, or have you just accepted that your relationship won’t have the sizzle it did at the beginning? Author Lindsey Rietzsch joins us to talk about why you shouldn’t stop dating your spouse just because you are married and shares her favorite tips for putting the spark back in your relationship.

Lindsey started out designing and teaching self management and relationship courses, one of which was so popular that it inspired the book “How To Date Your Spouse”. You can find out more about Lindsey and her book on her website, HowToDateYourSpouse.com, which also includes Lindsey’s blog and relationship forum. Buy How to Date Your Spouse from Amazon.com

Do you find yourself in endless fights with your spouse that never seem to resolve anything? Or perhaps you never discussing important issues and just letting them fester. Dr. Colleen Hamilton shares strategies for putting an end to destructive fighting and turning conflict into a process that is both constructive and beneficial to the marriage, as well as discussing how much fighting is too much, and whether fighting in front of the kids is always a bad idea.

Colleen practices with Lepage Associates in Durham, NC, where she specializes in interpersonal relationships, depression and anxiety, children’s therapy, and parent coaching. You can find out more about Colleen by visiting the Lepage Associates website, or calling her office at 919.572.0000

What’s the secret to a lifelong marriage? Sheryl Kurland, author of “Everlasting Matrimony: Pearls of Wisdom From Couples Married 50 Years Or More”, joins us to share what she learned from the 75 happily married couples she interviewed for her book, and how to put their advice to work in your relationship.

You can find out more about Sheryl and the book on her website, EverlastingMatrimony.com, which also features information about the corporate seminars and relationship workshops she offers for employers. Order Everlasting Matrimony
now at Amazon.com

It would be nice to sit down with everyone for dinner or a discussion, but with everyone’s busy lives, is rounding up the family for some time together even possible? Dr. Kristen Wynns returns to the show to share her tips on working family time into a hectic schedule and discusses the importance of regular family communication (including the kids) on your marriage.

Dr. Wynns has a private practice in Durham, NC and specializes in therapy for children, adolescents, and families. You can find out more about Dr. Wynns practice and services at her website, KristenWynns.com, or by calling her office at 919.805.0182. Kristen also has a brand new blog called Marriage and Parenting 101

Is it possible to add the romantic flare of an epic fantasy to your daily life of work, carpool, and grocery shopping? Are big, gallant gestures always required to make your spouse feel loved, or are the smaller, every-day expressions of care and commitment more important?

Romance author Sonja Foust joins us to discuss what she has learned about being married from writing romance novels, as well as what being a romance author has taught her about marriage, and covers the importance of everyday romantic gestures and pitfalls of setting unrealistic expectations for yourself and your spouse. You can find out more about Sonja and her writing at her website, SonjaFoust.com

Financial stress can take a toll on even the strongest marriages and in today’s uncertain economic climate, the differences in spending habits between spouses, lack of a family budget, and everyday money issues put us all at risk of a meltdown.

Dr. Kim Kimberling joins us to discuss the money mistakes he sees couples making on a daily basis and shares his tips for keeping your bank account in the black and your marriage on solid ground.

Dr. Kimberling has been a professional counselor for over twenty years and is the President and co-founder of Family Christian Counseling in Oklahoma City. You can learn more about Dr. Kimberling and  his popular Prep for Marriage classes at PrepForMarriage.com. While you’re there, be sure to take a look at his latest book, Living the Marriage of a Lifetime, as well.

Lee and Kim also discuss Dave Ramsey’s excellent online financial resources, available at www.DaveRamsey.com

What used to require a secret trip to a shady newsstand and the risk of being spotted by a friend or neighbor is now just keyclicks away. With pornography becoming easier to obtain and less of a social stigma, has its presence become a stumbling-block in your relationship? Dr. Nicole Imbraguglio joins us to discuss the patterns and effects of pornography use in a marriage and the impact it has on both spouses, as well as how a couple can reconcile their feelings and behavior with one another.

Dr. Imbraguglio practices with Lepage Associates in Durham, NC and helps both adults and children with a wide range of emotional issues. She has provided counseling for individuals, groups, couples, and families. You can learn more about Nicole at LepageAssociates.com.

Apologizing can be a lot more difficult than it seems. Dr. Kristen Wynns joins us to discuss why some of us find it so hard to apologize to our spouses, the impact of always needing to be right on a marriage, why making your spouse believe your apology is for real can be difficult, as well as her 5 steps for a sincere and constructive apology.

Dr. Wynns has a private practice in Durham, NC and specializes in therapy for children, adolescents, and families. You can find out more about Dr. Wynns practice and services at her website, KristenWynns.com, or by calling her office at 919.805.0182. Kristen also has a brand new blog called Marriage and Parenting 101

Is your bedroom so cluttered or so spartan that relaxation and romance are simply impossible? Most of us are guilty of either filling up the bedroom with junk that won’t fit anywhere else, or treating it like a cold and sterile museum. Jenna Boyd joins us to cover common mistakes in bedroom organization and to share tips and simple changes you can make today to turn your bedroom into a stress-free haven for intimacy and romance.

Jenna is a certified practitioner of Feng Shui, a member of the National Association of Professional Organizers, and contributor to PINK Magazine. You can find out more about Jenna at ElementsOfHarmony.com or by calling her office at 919.757.2732

Everyone has incidents where a spouse (either husband or wife) is resistant to cooperation or compromise. What kind of factors lead to this behavior? Do parents, social norms, or other factors have a bigger impact?

Dr. Tina Lepage joins us to discuss common issues where husbands and wives have disagreements and how to assess and resolve these issues. Tina is the founder of Lepage Associates, where she focuses on personal and professional relationship issues, as well as children and family therapy, and personal growth. You can find out more about Tina and her staff by visiting her website at LepageAssociates.com, or by calling her office at 919.572.0000

Choosing a marriage counselor can be a difficult and sometimes scary task. Where do you find a qualified counselor? Will your insurance cover therapy? How can you be sure that you and your spouse are getting the most out of therapy and that the counselor you have selected is a good fit for your relationship? Amy McMillan joins us to share some tips on where to look and what to look for in a prospective counselor.

Amy is a Board Certified Licensed Professional Counselor. She has been in private practice since 1999 at her Cary office and recently opened up a satellite office in Raleigh. To find out more about Amy and the services she offers, visit her at CaryBehavioral.com and BelieveInTherapy.com

Whether it’s picking up the kids, checking email on the blackberry, obsessing over a conversation at work last week, or worrying about what to do for dinner tonight – we’re all trying to do 100 things at once. It’s tempting to stay busy in an effort to feel productive, but what if all of this busyness is really causing more stress and anxiety?

Dr. Suzan Wasik joins us to talk about what happens to our quality of life when our minds are cluttered with everything and nothing at the same time, the impact that has on our relationships – especially marriage, and what you can do to keep your mind clutter free while getting more done and making your relationship with your spouse a top priority.

You can find out a lot more about Suzan at the Carolina Care and Counseling website, at CarolinaCareInc.com, or by calling the office at 919.676.1497. There is also a lot of great information at the SOMA Consulting website, where she offers small group workshops, organizational consulting, and retreats - ManagingTheMonkeyMind.com

Click here to view the embedded video.

We would like to thank you for listening to our show every week and wish you all a very happy Valentine’s Day. It’s rare that we have more than a few quick minutes in a day to really communicate with our spouses, but it’s important to take every opportunity we can to communicate. It seems like our fast-paced lives often make communication more difficult, but we have far more options now that make keeping in touch throughout the day a whole lot easier. Whatever you do for Valentine’s day, make sure that you do it together and take time to communicate. Thanks again!

Sometimes, a couple can’t wait to get the kids out of the house, but in other circumstances, when the children leave, feelings of loneliness can be amplified and there aren’t other family members around to serve as a distraction from other issues that are affecting a marriage. Susan Orenstein, Ph.D. joins us to discuss the positive and negative aspects of children leaving the home.

Susan is a licensed Psychologist with offices in Cary, NC and Chapel Hill, NC and you can find out more about her practice by visiting her website at OrensteinSolutions.com or calling her office at 919.654.7311

Is your living space having a negative impact on your relationship? Many couples would not think that the home environment itself can have an effect on marital bliss, but Jenna Boyd and Susan Orenstein, Ph.D. join us to discuss how clutter, color, and emotional distractions can create stress and tension that robs your marriage of intimacy.

Susan is a licensed Psychologist with offices in Cary, NC and Chapel Hill, NC and you can find out more about her practice by visiting her website at OrensteinSolutions.com or calling her office at 919.654.7311

Jenna is a certified practitioner of Feng Shui, a member of the National Association of Professional Organizers, and contributor to PINK Magazine. You can find out more about Jenna at ElementsOfHarmony.com or by calling her office at 919.757.2732

Every marriage faces issues where one or both partners feel frustrated with the level of intimacy in the relationship, but these incompatibility problems can create bigger difficulties when spouses feel like they can’t bring up the topic with their partners. Dr. Katrina Kuzyszyn joins us to discuss how you can bring up issues of sexual incompatibility with your spouse without creating a sense of pressure or rejection from either partner.

Katrina holds a Masters degree in Forensic Psychology, a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology, and has been practicing for over 9 years. Katrina practices with Lepage Associates in Durham, NC and can be reached at 919.572.0000, or by visiting LepageAssociates.com

It’s tough not to be busy these days, but can over-extending yourself and not placing enough importance on your own needs be detrimental to your marriage? Dr. Pat Hogan joins us to discuss how putting all of your focus on others, including your spouse, can actually make you emotionally unavailable for your partner. Neglecting your own well-being, whether because of work or family commitments can actually cause resentment of your spouse.

Dr. Hogan covers some of the specific pitfalls that women face in balancing work with the cultural expectations of still being the main caregiver in a family, as well problems with misinterpreting self-care as selfishness.

You can find many more great tips from Dr. Hogan, as well as information about her practice in Charlotte, NC, by visiting her website at DrPatHogan.com, or calling her office at 704.442.0035

Making big (or even small) decisions can often be tough – the responsibility and conflict it can bring are issues that can’t be taken lightly, but living in a perpetual state of “maybe” can harm both you and your relationship. Dr. Stephen Frueh joins us to discuss the importance of knowing the “yes”s and “no”s in your relationship.

You can find out more about Stephen’s practice, as well as a schedule of his upcoming events at WithTheseRings.com. Be sure to visit MarriageConversation.com to read his latest articles and listen to his podcast and check out his book With These Rings, Volume 1: A New Look at Marriage

By Susan Orenstein, Ph.D.

In our daily lives, there are lots of routine ways we check to make sure things are on track. Consider, for example, annual medical check-up, kids’ report cards, car tune-ups, monthly bank statements, or the dreaded work evaluation.  All are seen as a way to proactively detect and address problems to keep things on track.   So, why are many people hesitant to seek professional feedback and help for their marriage?

Couples counseling can seem like a daunting step to take.  Here are several misconceptions that explain many couples’ reluctance to seek couples counseling…

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You can find out more about Susan Orenstein, including her upcoming seminars and other articles by visiting her website, OrensteinSolutions.com

Do you find youself immediately jumping to the conclusion that everything your spouse does is meant to upset you? Patty Newbold joins us to discuss how assuming that your spouse is acting out of love can prevent countless marital problems and give you a healthier perspective on your relationship.

Patty also covers how prone we are to locking into a very limited number of solutions to conflicts in our marriages and what you can do to find alternatives that not only solve the problem, but do so without creating more tension between you and your spouse.

You can find out more about Patty on her blog, AssumeLove.com and you can access her podcasts, ebooks, and teleseminars by visiting EnjoyBeingMarried.com

Married life can be hectic – are you taking time to cover the nuts and bolts of your relationship on a regular basis? Cory Huff from AGoodHusband.net and HusbandsAndDads.com joins us to talk about a weekly 4 Step Relationship Review that he has implemented in his marriage and the impact it has had on his relationship.

Cory discusses how he came up with the review, how to deal with a spouse who may be hesitant to participate, and important topics to cover, including finances, priorities, and obligations. You can read Cory’s article on the review here, and read his other articles at both AGoodHusband.net and HusbandsAndDads.com

Parenting can be tough and sometimes all your hard work can come at the expense of your spouse. It’s easy to neglect each other when you’re focusing on the children – the key is to save some of the focus for both of you. Rabbi Stephen Baars has been counseling couples on their marriages for over 20 years and joins us to discuss the BLISS program he designed to help couples manage the roles of both parent and spouse.

Rabbi Baars is dedicated to helping couples get on the right track to marriage success. You can find out more about Rabbi Baars seminars and lectures, as well as his book, Bliss: The Marriage and Parenting Book, at his website, www.GetBliss.com

Are the feelings of irritability, withdrawal, and tiredness that you or your spouse are feeling just temporary, or signs of a bigger problem? Dr. Nicole Imbraguglio joins us to discuss how easy it can be to let depression go unnoticed and the toll that depression can have on children, the other spouse, and the entire marriage.

Dr. Imbraguglio practices with Lepage Associates in Durham, NC and helps both adults and children with a wide range of emotional issues. She has provided counseling for individuals, groups, couples, and families. You can learn more about Nicole at LepageAssociates.com.

What makes a marriage counselor decide to go in for counseling? Jennifer Coleman is a Life Transition Coach with Rosen Law Firm who has worked as a marriage counselor as well and joins us to talk about her experience visiting a marriage therapist with her husband. Jennifer discusses how she and her husband decided on a counselor, why they decided to go, how many sessions they needed, and how they knew when their issues were resolved.

Jennifer discusses the initial apprehension that even she had about seeing a therapist and shares some tips on making the process more comfortable for both you and your spouse. She also gives advice on the benefits of seeing a counselor before any major crises arise and how to focus on your spouse and your marriage amidst the stressors of daily life.

Does the upcoming holiday season leave you feeling more anxious than thankful? Dealing with families, money concerns and more can be very overwhelming. How do you juggle everything without losing your head? Is it even possible? Dr. Kim Kimberling joins us to share some helpful tips on keeping yourself and your spouse sane during the hectic holiday season.

Dr. Kimberling has been a professional counselor for over twenty years. He is President and co-founder of Family Christian Counseling in Oklahoma City. He offers the extremely popular Prep for Marriage classes which you can learn more about at PrepForMarriage.com –  You can also check out his latest book ‘Living the Marriage of a Lifetime’ and hear what he has to say on his blog.

Are issues of past trauma or present anxiety causing conflict in your relationship?  Whether it comes from obvious sources, like military deployment and sexual abuse, or is a side effect of more subtle traumas like put-downs, verbal abuse and neglect, the deep-seated anxiety and stress related issues can manifest themselves as problems with communication and arguments about lifestyle.

Bonnie Gilliom joins us to discuss both large traumas and easily overlooked sources of anxiety for a spouse, as well as discussing the stressful effects of the current economic climate on marriage and what impact different parenting styles can have on a couple.

To find out more about the counseling services Bonnie offers in her Chapel Hill  office, as well as more information about the EMDR technique discussed on the show, visit her website at BonnieGilliom.com, or call her office at (919) 636-0994. You can also visit the Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing Institute at www.emdr.com

Can hypnosis really help your marriage? It may come as a surprise to some, but the answer is yes. The use of hypnosis is a technique that allows you to reveal your inner thoughts and make significant progress in your relationship and your life. Dr. Kathleen Connolly joins us and reveals how hypnosis really works and how it can help. She alleviates any fears you might have about the practice and describes a typical session.

Kathleen is the founder of Acumeans Inc, a private counselling and consulting practice in Charlotte, NC. She provides psychological counseling, clinical hypnosis and more. She is certified in clinical hypnosis by the flagship organization for licensed practitioners of hypnosis, the American Society of Clinical Hypnosis. You can find out more about her at www.acumeans.com. You can also purchase Dr. Connolly’s hypnosis CD’s, which deal with subjects such as stress, weight, sleep, and smoking by heading to www.signaturemedia.us

To find a licensed hypnotherapist in your area, be sure to visit the American Society of Clinical Hypnosis.

It’s always nice to be reminded that you’ve made a good decision, and being married and involved in your child’s life are two of the greatest decisions you can make. Roland Warren, President of the National Fatherhood Initiative joins us to discuss the NFI’s popular brochure, The 7 Benefits of Marriage For Men. Roland covers the the impact of marriage on the quality of life of men, as well as the immeasurably positive effects of being an involved father.

Roland has been married for 26 years and has two grown sons, and now serves as President of the National Fatherhood Initiative. To find out more about the National Fatherhood Initiative, visit Fatherhood.org –  the website offers a host of resources, from webinars and downloadable materials, to community programs and events for schools, dads in the military, and more.

Can a weekend getaway really help your marriage? Does counseling with other couples have benefits over a more traditional approach? Richard and Diana Daffner join us to discuss their “Intimacy Retreats”, where couples take a weekend to focus exclusively on the intimate bond with each other and cover the key differences between traditional therapy and marriage retreats, including the benefits a group dynamic has over private sessions, the kind of interaction couples have with each other, and whether some couples find group therapy easier than conventional practice.

You can find out much more about Richard and Diana’s intimacy retreats on their website, IntimacyRetreats.com, or by calling them at 1.877.282.4244. The website also includes a schedule of upcoming retreats from November through February, as well as information on Richard and Diana’s upcoming book, Tantric Sex for Busy Couples.

We’ve all procrastinated at some point, but when avoiding important issues becomes a compulsion, it can have negative effects on your relationship.  Dr. Gloria Arenson joins us to talk about her latest book, Procrastination Nation, and discusses the serious consequences that arise when spouses avoid completing tasks – a behavior often motivated my fear.

Gloria is a psychotherapist, teacher, and author, who runs a private practice in Santa Barbara California.  You can find much more information about Gloria’s other books and media appearances, as well as free articles and other resources on her website at GloriaArenson.com.  You can order a copy of Procrastination Nation from Amazon.com by clicking here.

It’s always better to stop a problem before it begins than trying to fix it after the fact.  Dr. Betty Phillips joins us to discuss some of the underlying causes of marital infidelity and why problems couples have that may seem trivial or unrelated to the relationship can lead to affairs.  Dr. Phillips also takes time to discuss some of the common indicators that a marriage needs more attention to ensure that infidelity does not become a reality.

Dr. Phillips holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Harvard University and is certified by the National Register of Psychologists. She specializes in relationship and marriage counseling, including helping couples deal with the challenge of recovering from infidelity. Her office is located at 466 Eagle Point Rd. Pittsboro, NC 27312. You can find out more about Dr. Phillips practice, as well as other articles she has written on her website, or by contacting her at (919) 967.1860

Keeping your marriage healthy takes a lot of work under the best of circumstances.  Tina Tessina, a.k.a. “Dr. Romance”, joins us to talk about her latest book, The Commuter Marriage and discusses what steps couples can take when one spouse is away for days or weeks at a time.

Work assignments, better paying jobs, and military deployments are just a few of the circumstances that can put a couple in the position of having a commuter marriage.  Tina takes a look at the issues a couple needs to address to make sure the time apart doesn’t adversely impact their relationship, as well as examining the benefits that time apart can provide a couple.

Tina is the author of 13 books and is a licenced psychotherapist with 30 years of experience in counseling.  Her website, TinaTessina.com, offers much more information about her workshops, appearances, and book signings, as well as a free newsletter and blog on marriage tips.

You can order a copy of The Commuter Marriage from Amazon.com by clicking here.

By Betty Phillips

Children add a new dynamic to every marriage, and adopting can bring challenges and rewards all its own.  Parker Herring, an adoption attorney in Raleigh, NC, talks about the adoption process, what to expect, and what part adoption can play in marriage.

Parker also discusses her own experience with the adoption of her children, and what she learned from being the parent that she wouldn’t have known any other way.

If you would like more information about Parker, or adoption in general, you can visit the website of her domestic adoption agency, AChildsHope.com, which helps place the children of North Carolina birth mothers with couples in North Carolina seeking children.

Bill and Pam Farrel join us to talk about their book, The 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make, and explain the importance of emotions and communication in making decisions for the good of your relationship.

The Farrels also discuss the importance of keeping a positive outlook regardless of the challenges your relationship faces, as well as how great an impact keeping a sense of humor, even in trying times, can have on your marriage.

The 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make is out now on Harvest House Publishers.  Order it now on Amazon.  You can visit their website, FarrelCommunications.com for signed copies of this and other books, as well as more information about Bill and Pam’s CD sets and speaking engagements.

Author and researcher Maggie Scarf joins us to discuss her latest book, September Songs: The Good News About Marriage in the Later Years.  In the book, Maggie examines the “Bonus Years”, or 20+ years after 50 that increased life expectancy has created in the past few generations, and takes a look at how marital satisfaction increases during this phase.

Maggie covers communication, sex, problem solving, and financial issues that affect this stage of life and why it often doesn’t get the coverage it deserves, as well as what she describes as the “U-shaped curve” of marital happiness.

September Songs is out now on Riverhead Books.  You can click here to order it from Amazon.com, or visit Maggie’s website for more information, as well as her blog and other articles.

Does the idea of visiting a marriage counselor seem like admitting a problem in your relationship, or do you just find the whole experience intimidating? Licenced therapist Sonyia Richardson joins us to put your fears to rest by walking through a first visit and covering the benefits of counseling to both couples who are struggling with particular issues and happily married couples.

You can find out more about Sonyia’s Charlotte practice on her website, SonyiaRichardson.com, or by calling her office at 704.548.5498. For more information on her couples retreats, visit www.AnotherLevelRetreats.com

The openness of marriage is an opportunity for a great deal of trust, but can also result in your most personal information used against you in heated arguements. Dr. Katrina Kuzsyzyn-Jones discusses the effects of using intimate knowledge in fights with your spouse and offers tips for fighting constructively, without personal attacks.

Katrina holds a Masters degree in Forensic Psychology, a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology, and has been practicing for over 9 years. Katrina practices with Lepage Associates in Durham, NC and can be reached at 919.572.0000, or by visiting LepageAssociates.com

Every marriage has ups and downs, but it can sometimes be difficult to make sure that the inevitable disappointments don’t grow into larger problems and adversely affect a couple’s relationship. Dr. Steevie Jane Parks takes time to discuss some common events that lead to disappointment in a marriage and how each spouse reacts, as well as how couples can take these challenges head-on and use them to strengthen their relationship.

Dr. Steevie Jane Parks has been practicing for more than 20 years and currently lives and works in Carrboro, NC, where she offers couples and family counseling, as well as art therapy workshops and self-esteem building groups for adolescents. More information about Dr. Parks’ services is available on her website, DrSteevieJaneParks.com, or by calling her office at 919.918.1014.

Children can place stress on any marriage, and when kids are dealing with behavioral or emotional problems, it can often be even more trying on the parents. Dr. Kristen Wynns returns to discuss some of the differences between chronic problems and those that are a natural part of development, as well as what parents can do to make sure the special needs of their children don’t take a toll on the marriage itself.

Dr. Wynns has a private practice in Durham, NC and specializes in therapy for children, adolescents, and families. You can find out more about Dr. Wynns practice and services at her website, KristenWynns.com, or by calling her office at 919.805.0182.

Is conflict in your marriage taking a toll on your children? Even if the arguments take place behind closed doors, they can still impact your kids. Dr. Kristen Wynns discusses some tactics parents often use without realizing the effects and how parents can resolve conflicts in a constructive manner that provides a positive behavioral model for their children.

Dr. Wynns has a private practice in Durham, NC and specializes in therapy for children, adolescents, and families. You can find out more about Dr. Wynns practice and services at her website, KristenWynns.com, or by calling her office at 919.805.0182.

We will return with new episodes next week. Please enjoy this popular episode with guest Erin Langdon.

Substance abuse is a problem that affects many families in the U.S. In this podcast, Erin Langdon, a Licensed Practicing Clinician and Clinicial Addictions Specialist, discusses substance abuse and its affect on a marriage. She also gives tips for how to deal with your spouse’s problem with substance abuse and the recovery process.

Erin Langdon holds a Master’s Degree in counseling from Appalachian State University and is currently working to receive her PhD in Counseling from the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. She currently practices with University Psychological Associates in Charlotte, North Carolina. Erin can be reached at 704.547.1438.

Sponsored by:

You can access a transcript of this show here.

Click below to play the show.

Have you built an “Us” in your marriage?

In this podcast, Lesli Doares, LMFT, discusses the concept of building an “Us,” for married couples. Doares gives a list of steps to follow for the most crucial transition in your marriage.

Lesli’s practice in Cary, North Carolina, Balanced Family Therapy, focuses on helping couples build strong, secure relationships. She is not only a qualified professional, but has twenty years of marriage experience with her husband in addition to having two children. To find out more about Lesli, please visit her website at http://balancedfamily.com/

By Betty Phillips

Why do people think twice about calling a marriage counselor when they don’t hesitate to call other specialists for professional services? Tax advisers, interior designers, home inspectors, doctors, dentists, all stand ready to provide advice and consultation services when requested. There’s no need for any admission of failure when you call a tax adviser; you just shop for the best adviser for your issues. Just as there is no shame in calling a tax adviser, there should be no embarrassment about calling a marriage counselor. In fact you should feel proud to call a therapist to provide professional services for your most valued assets, your marriage and family. You can call for marriage counseling assistance as prevention, intervention or crisis management.

We care for our cars by checking oil levels, inflating tires and scheduling tune-ups to keep the automobile running smoothly and prevent future problems. Similarly, a marriage counselor can provide preventive maintenance services. Prenuptial counseling is frequently discussed but seldom utilized as the couple’s romantic bliss obscures all but the most serious impending problems. Most couples don’t even consider marriage counseling as the relationship begins to settle down into daily life issues and as stresses and strains start to erode the “live happily ever after” myth. In this article I’m asking you to consider a round of marriage counseling before typical marriage concerns (such as finances, parenting, division-of-labor, in-laws, or sexual compatibility problems) take over. After an initial consultation, the couple and therapist step back for an informal “evaluation” of the marital issues and begin a plan of sessions sometimes with “homework” to practice new skills. Far from being just a clinical analysis of conflict management issues, the prevention plan will often focus on new ways for the couple to have fun together such as date nights to preserve or improve love and intimacy.

When emerging problems harden into ongoing frustrations and then into conflicts, and when problems keep recurring without resolution, the intervention of marriage counseling will often put the marriage back into balance. Some issues can be resolved during the sessions, while the couple can learn to live with other problems. Marriage counseling services provide a retreat from everyday stress and a place to focus on the marriage with an experienced adviser to mediate disputes and teach new skills. While conflict resolution skills are important at this stage, the couple will also learn about the need to prioritize positive interactions to build up a “love bank” to protect the marriage from the wounds of hurt and anger. Far from feeling guilty that they “need” marriage counseling, husband and wife should be proud of their accomplishments in taking steps to face the tough issues and improve the quality of their relationship and their lives.

Crisis intervention marriage counseling is needed when thoughts of escape from the marriage surface in the form of conflict behaviors such as withdrawal and stonewalling, violent arguments, extramarital affairs, thoughts or talk about separation and divorce. Such problems often follow a phase of “pretend everything is all right.” Rather than deny or bury the pain, marriage counseling will help the couple focus on resolving the problems and can often turn the crisis into an improved marriage. Marriages can be saved even when extramarital affairs are discovered, although the process is slow and painful. If your marriage is in crisis, don’t wait! It can be too late.

What if your spouse won’t participate in marriage counseling? Then you will need to take action yourself. Even when both husband and wife agree to the marriage counseling, you can only change yourself, not your spouse. Marriage counselors are also individual therapists and often tackle marriage problems with the willing spouse.

Even if your marriage is headed toward separation or divorce, most marriage counselors are also experienced in handling these issues. Friendly support and advice can feel like life savers at this time of crisis. It can be a mistake for husband or wife to try to hang on to the marriage because of fear of exiting into a lonely, loveless existence. Separation and divorce can be a chance to build a new and improved life in the face of irreconcilable differences.

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Dr. Phillips holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Harvard University and is certified by the National Register of Psychologists. She specializes in relationship and marriage counseling, including helping couples deal with the challenge of recovering from infidelity. Her office is located at 466 Eagle Point Rd. Pittsboro, NC 27312. You can find out more about Dr. Phillips practice, as well as other articles she has written on her website, or by contacting her at (919) 967.1860

Anniversaries are wonderful, but it’s easy to fall into the “flowers and dinner once a year” routine. Dr. Susan Orenstein returns to discuss what anniversaries mean in the context of marriage, and how they can be fantastic tools for appreciating your spouse improving your relationship. She explores the little things spouses can do to make each other feel connected, and the idea that time is more important than any gift.

Dr. Orenstein is a licensed psychologist with offices in Cary, NC and Chapel Hill NC. She specializes in couples counseling dealing with issues including intimacy, marital satisfaction, affair recovery, and work/family balance. You can find out more about Susan’s practice and seminars by visiting her site: OrensteinSolutions.com, or calling her office at (919) 654 – 7311.

By Betty Phillips

After the honeymoon, when you realize that 50% of all marriages actually do end in divorce, marriage partners begin to realize the enormity of the tasks involved in staying happily married. Positive conflict management becomes a high priority in keeping marriages together. All couples argue, even in successful marriages, but happily married partners learn how to argue, stay best friends, and stay in love.

The overriding principle in managing arguments and conflicts is to make sure that rational thinking prevails and emotions do not run amuck. Visualize a continuum of emotions running from 0 to 10, with 10 being the highest level of anger and dissent ; you should try to keep your arguments/discussions at level 3 where you are engaged in the issues but not so overwhelmed by feelings that rational thinking is impossible. Many couples have learned to agree to schedule a “time out” when emotions run high, with the withdrawing partner agreeing to schedule “time in” to resolve the problem when both spouses calm down.

The following discussion is organized around the concept of ” SOLVE” to emphasize the fact that marital problems can be resolved in an atmosphere of love and respect.

“S” stands for the fact that you should try to schedule discussions of problems when both spouses are calm and focused and willing to discuss the issue. You all probably have experienced the opposite, running out of the door on a tight schedule, when your spouse brings up hot issues which cannot be resolved at the time, and both leave for daily activities feeling upset and angry. Too many of these unsuccessful encounters leave the marriage partners feeling frustrated with a growing number of underlying resentments.

“O” asks the question, what outcome do you really want for yourself and your partner? Pick one issue to discuss at a time, deciding the importance of the issue and whether your proposed solution is reasonable. Too often arguments become confused with a lot of side issues and unresolved problems thrown in, making it impossible to solve anything and again increasing resentments. Also realize that it makes no sense to argue about the past which cannot be changed. So stay focused on the present and future and decide what outcomes would be reasonable for you and your spouse.

“L” stands for listen to your partner until you really understand his or her point of view. What usually happens during an argument is that you never really listen to your partner, instead rehearsing your reply while you wait for your spouse to stop talking. So no one really feels heard and discussions escalate to arguments. If you don’t understand your partner’s point of view, ask questions until you do. Make sure that you validate your spouse’s point of view by showing your understanding of his or her position, even if you then proceed to state a different position on the issue.

“V” stands for verbalize your thoughts, feelings, needs and possible solutions. To keep a discussion positive, use “I” or “we” messages, not “you” messages. An example will illustrate the difference. Let’s say your spouse leaves towels, socks etc. on the floor. ” You are a slob” is an invitation to a fight; ” I get upset when stuff is left on the floor” is less accusatory; ” We have a problem keeping our house neat” may lead to a productive discussion. Try to discuss or “brainstorm” many possible solutions to resolve the problem; a solution may emerge as various possibilities are discussed in a calm manner.

“E” calls your attention to the need to evaluate your solutions after you try them out. Good ideas often go by the wayside when they are not discussed. Too often one partner may forget, the other may become resentful that the agreement was not followed, and then both stop implementing the solution. Instead, pick a time to sit down and review marriage issues to make sure that agreements are honored.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Not so. Actually it’s one of the hardest things that we can do, making sure our rational minds control our arguments, not our hot emotions. Cut out this article and put it on your refrigerator door or other prominent place, so you can refer to it when needed. You can also consult a marriage counselor to help you learn this process and by so doing protect and preserve your marriage. Marriage counseling can help prevent problems as well as save marriages.

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Dr. Phillips holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Harvard University and is certified by the National Register of Psychologists. She specializes in relationship and marriage counseling, including helping couples deal with the challenge of recovering from infidelity. Her office is located at 466 Eagle Point Rd. Pittsboro, NC 27312. You can find out more about Dr. Phillips practice, as well as other articles she has written on her website, or by contacting her at (919) 967.1860

Are finances an open book in your marriage, or is money a taboo subject? Financial Advisor Bob Watral takes a look at how money can bring out the best and the worst in people and what you can do to ensure that finances don’t create a rift between you and your spouse. Many couples find the shift from focusing on personal finances to focusing on group finances presents a new set of challenges and can often lead to egos getting in the way of teamwork.

Bob is a Vice President of Wealth Management and Financial planning specialist who has been with Smith Barney for more than 20 years. You can reach Bob by calling his office at 919.877.2450, or visiting his website.

Worried that your spouse cannot satisfy you intimately? In this episode Dr. Debbie Neel returns (her previous visit can be found here) to discuss the differences of emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy, saying that integrating them allows for a strong, satisfied marriage. Emotional intimacy is the understanding, appreciation, and acceptance between mates: the ‘I love you unconditionally.’ Sexual intimacy is the physical openness, communication, and comfort of love and affection also requiring unconditional acceptance. Dr. Neel notes the differences in mental wiring of men and women, how their thoughts and expectations differ, showing that husbands and wives are not intentionally neglecting each other and argues that couples should understand they will change physically and emotionally and that good communication can help avoid a breakdown of intimacy.

Debbie Neel is a licenced psychologist, certified health services provider and certified sex therapist with a private practice in Raleigh North Carolina. She specializes in individual adult and couples therapy, sex therapy, and attention deficit disorder in adults. To find out more about Debbie and her practice, visit her website at http://www.atriumpsychology.com, or call her at (919) 781-8810.

Happy Father’s Day! Dr. Susan Orenstein discusses the importance of the father’s role in a successful marriage and happy family, which has changed from being the distant, work-oriented bread winner to being a nurturing caregiver with greater participation in his children’s activities and lives. Dr. Orenstein debunks many myths about marriage and fatherhood which have been perpetuated, if not created entirely, by what we see in Hollywood films or what we learn from our parents. Fathers are not the disinterested figures with low-expectations for their wives and children that they can be made out to be; rather, most fathers value the special bonds in their relationships with their families and often do not voice their greater expectations.

Dr. Orenstein is a licensed psychologist with offices in Cary, NC and Chapel Hill NC. She specializes in couples counseling dealing with issues including intimacy, marital satisfaction, affair recovery, and work/family balance. You can find out more about Susan’s practice and seminars by visiting her site: orensteinsolutions.com, or calling her office at (919) 654 – 7311.

“Hump: True Tales of Sex After Kids” takes a look at restoring the intimate bond between spouses after the changes in life that take place once children enter the picture. Author Kimberly Ford discusses the book and what prompted her to write it, as well as what she learned in the process. The book explores the importance of physical intimacy in making a couple feel like spouses and adults – not just parents. “Hump” is available July 8th on St. Martin’s Press.

Kimberly lives in California with her husband and three children. She received her Ph.D. in Spanish and French Literature in 2001 and since then has published short fiction and essays in magazines including Mothering, The Believer, and Brain, Child. You can find out more about Kimberly and her other work at kimberlyvford.com. To find out more about “Hump”, please visit humpthebook.com, where you can share your stories as well.

Click here to pre-order the book from Amazon.com.

Why are we quick to repair a clog in the kitchen sink, but let problems in our relationship pile up without fixing them? In this episode, Sharyn Wolf discusses her book “This Old Spouse: Tips and Tools for Keeping the Honeymoon Glow”, and how relating issues with your spouse to issues with your house not only makes it possible to approach and fix problems in a more practical manner, but to appreciate the positive attributes of your marriage more than you do already. Sharyn also goes into detail about the 5 tools that “do-it-yourselfers” need to start solving problems on their own, as well as the 5 behaviors more likely to do harm than benefit to a relationship.

You can find out more about the book at www.this-old-spouse.com, which also includes Sharyn’s blog, reviews of the book, reader stories, and information about Sharyn’s workshops, seminars and counseling services. Click here to order the book in hardcover, or here to pre-order the paperback edition (out June 24 on Plume Books).

Do changes in desire for your spouse mean that you are no longer in love? Debbie Neel, PhD. discusses how intimacy and desire mature over the course of a marriage and how to understand and enjoy a deeper relationship with your spouse. Physiological and hormonal changes that occur throughout a marriage may often send the wrong signal about loving one’s spouse, as does the waning sense of intimacy that can come from dealing with the mountain of day-to-day tasks that are pushed aside during the initial romance of a marriage.

Debbie Neel is a licenced psychologist, certified health services provider and certified sex therapist with a private practice in Raleigh North Carolina. She specializes in individual adult and couples therapy, sex therapy, and attention deficit disorder in adults. To find out more about Debbie and her practice, visit her website at http://www.atriumpsychology.com, or call her at (919) 781-8810.

It can be difficult to make an intimate relationship with your spouse a priority when a few years of work, kids, and other day-to-day responsibilities have crept in to your lives. When communication breaks down, the temptation to seek fulfillment outside of the marriage becomes much greater. Sherri Hughes, Certified Life Coach, Reiki Master, and Hypnotherapist, discusses what it takes to get a relationship back on track before serious problems arise.

Sherri practices in Raleigh North Carolina and offers a complementary 15 minute consultation to anyone interested in seeking marriage counseling. You can contact Sherri and find out more about her services by visiting her website at http://www.journeybeginswithin.com.

Hindsight is 20/20, but sometimes we can learn from the mistakes of others and avoid problems ourselves. Host Lee Rosen and guest Jennifer Coleman, a divorce coach with the Rosen Law Firm, discuss Jennifer’s experience in what she has learned about keeping a relationship strong by examining where others have fallen apart.

This episode touches on issues that commonly cause problems in a marriage, like lack of communication, but also goes deeper into issues such as setting goals in the interest of the marriage instead of the self, and what steps can be taken to repair a relationship if one party is considering a divorce.

You can find out more about Jennifer at the Rosen Law Firm website.

You can access a transcript of this show here.

Sponsored by:

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A serious illness puts incredible stress on even the strongest relationship. This week’s guest, David Garver LMFT, and host Lee Rosen discuss the emotional and psychological impact of an illness on both the well and the ill spouse, and touch on how these events can affect previous issues in the relationship, as well as how both spouses can address their newfound emotions of guilt, anger, and frustration.

David Garver specializes in couples therapy with University Psychological Associates in Charlotte, NC. He also works with adolescents and adults with trauma histories, adjustment/transitions, and family issues and focuses on helping adolescents gain greater self-esteem and assertiveness so that they may lead more satisfying, fulfilling lives. David can be reached at (704) 547-1483 or by visiting UniversityPsychologicalAssociates.com

You can access a transcript of this show here

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Many of us know couples who seem to have lost their own identities after they began dating. But what kind of problems can this cause in a long-term relationship or marriage? This week, Dr. Dan Ryan analyzes the “Popeye defense” and gives tips for how to achieve balance in your relationship by being an individual and being part of a couple.

Dr. Dan Ryan is a Licensed Psychologist with a private practice in Raleigh, NC. Dr. Ryan has worked in the mental health field, in a variety of settings, for over 33 years. Dr. Ryan can be contacted at 919.878.7800 x 2, or check out his website at www.psychotherapyresources.com/ryan.htm.

This workshop will be held in the Rosen Law Firm Charlotte office from 6-7:30 p.m. and led by Michael Hall, PhD.

The Charlotte office of the Rosen Law Firm is located at:
301 McCullough Drive, Suite 510

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is another matter. Learn what the latest marital research says about what differentiates the masters and disasters of marriage. Learn about the types of communication that build greater intimacy. Leave the workshop with added confidence that your marriage can be enhanced.

This workshop is for you if:
- You and your spouse keep arguing about the same issues
- You feel like you and your spouse have grown apart and are now like roommates
- You feel resentful, misunderstood, or hurt much of the time
- You and your partner get along well, you just want to feel closer
- You feel hopeless and are considering divorce

Infidelity. Distrust. Anger. Heartbreak.

25% of men and 15% of women will have an extramarital affair.

An affair can end any marriage. But, it doesn’t have to.

In this episode, Carmella Broome, a Licensed Professional Counselor with Crossroads Counseling Center in Lexington, South Carolina, talks about how couples can repair their marriage post-affair. Be sure to listen as Carmella details the stages couples go through while recovering from an affair.

Please visit Carmella’s website at http://www.solutionsforlife.org.

Sponsored by:

You can access a transcript of the show here.

Click below to play the show.

Substance abuse is a problem that affects many families in the U.S. In this podcast, Erin Langdon, a Licensed Practicing Clinician and Clinicial Addictions Specialist, discusses substance abuse and its affect on a marriage. She also gives tips for how to deal with your spouse’s problem with substance abuse and the recovery process.

Erin Langdon holds a Master’s Degree in counseling from Appalachian State University and is currently working to receive her PhD in Counseling from the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. She currently practices with University Psychological Associates in Charlotte, North Carolina. Erin can be reached at 704.547.1438.

Sponsored by:

You can access a transcript of this show here.

Click below to play the show.

Moving is one of the most stressful situations one can endure. It is not surprising that many couples decide to divorce shortly after relocating. There are a multitude of unforeseen problems and frustrations that come with the process of moving your life. Whether is it across town or across the country, it is sure to cause problems.

In this 21 minute podcast, Amanda Hardenbrook, LPC, discusses the issues couples encounter when relocating and how to deal with the stresses caused by this life-altering event.

Amanda Hardenbrook, LPC, can be reached at 919.946.3853

Sponsored by:

You can access a transcript of the show here.

Click below to play the show.

No two people are raised alike and this can cause big issues for couples with differing parenting styles. In this podcast, Dr. Tina Lepage discusses how to sort out the problems that come with trying to negotiate with your spouse over how to raise the children.

Dr. Tina Lepage is the founder of Lepage Associates, a full-service psychology practice based in Durham, North Carolina. She is a specialist in relationship issues and has been providing couple’s counseling for over 10 years.

Please visit her website at: www.lepageassociates.com

Sponsored by:

You can access a transcript of this show here.

Click below to play the show.

Having children can certainly impose challenges on your marriage. Couples with children face the test of time… not enough time in the day, that is. In this podcast, Dr. Tina Lepage discusses how to manage the burden of time management with children.

Dr. Tina Lepage is the founder of Lepage Associates, a full-service psychology practice based in Durham, North Carolina. She is a specialist in relationship issues and has been providing couple’s counseling for over 10 years.

Please visit her website at: www.lepageassociates.com

You can access a transcript of the show here.

Click below to play the show.

Have you built an “Us” in your marriage?

In this podcast, Lesli Doares, LMFT, discusses the concept of building an “Us,” for married couples. Doares gives a list of steps to follow for the most crucial transition in your marriage.

Lesli’s practice in Cary, North Carolina, Balanced Family Therapy, focuses on helping couples build strong, secure relationships. She is not only a qualified professional, but has twenty years of marriage experience with her husband in addition to having two children. To find out more about Lesli, please visit her website at http://balancedfamily.com/

You can access a transcript of this show here.

Click below to play the show.

Do you often find yourself fighting with your spouse over who takes initiative in the relationship? Are you unsure as to what type of “initiative” your partner is seeking?

In this podcast, Dr. Tina Lepage discusses the underlying feelings that fuel these disagreements and outlines steps to take for the road to recovery.

Dr. Tina Lepage is the founder of Lepage Associates, a full-service psychology practice based in Durham, North Carolina. She is a specialist in relationship issues and has been providing couple’s counseling for over 10 years.

Please visit her website at: www.lepageassociates.com

You can access a transcript of this show here.

Click below to play the show:

It is often found that when a couple is having marital problems, the wife is in favor of going to marriage counseling while her husband is against the idea. In this 20 minute podcast, Dr. Michael Hall discusses what tactics are doomed to failure and which simple strategies work for wives who want to convince their reluctant husbands to attend counseling.

Dr. Hall enjoys national recognition as an authority on dual-career couples issues. To learn more about Dr. Hall, please visit his bio here or call him at 704.858.2984.

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Valentine’s Day is coming up fast. Love is on the line. Don’t blow it! Listen to this podcast. In 20 minutes you will learn what you need to know to make this the best Valentine’s Day ever.

10 successful marriage counselors share their top tips for how to stay happily married on Valentine’s Day. Don’t leave anything to chance – listen to this podcast – twice.

Our experts include:

• Sandra Dopf, Certified Master Level Life Coach
• Jennifer Coleman, Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in family and relationship issues
• Dr. Patricia Hogan, Clinical Psychologist
• Dr. Kathleen Connolly, Licensed Counselor
• Dr. Robert Abramowitz, Licensed Psychologist
• Donna Moore, Licensed Clinical Social Worker
• Barbara Keyworth, Marital Therapist
• Dr. Susan Orenstein, Licensed Psychologist specializing in relationship issues
• Dr. Michael Hall, Specialist in couples counseling
• Amanda Hardenbrook, Licensed Professional Counselor

Podcast Transcript

Click below to play the show:

By: Leslie Doares

1. What made you fall in love with your partner, and what do you love most about him/her now?

2. When did you feel the most loved by your partner, and what specific things did he/she do to make you feel loved?

3. What needs to happen to make your partner a better friend?

4. What have you learned about being married that surprises you?

5. What do you imagine your relationship will look like 10 years from now?

6. What is the best thing that has happened to you and your partner in the past year?

7. What is your relationship’s strongest point, and what areas can be enriched?

8. Are you able to talk openly about your sexual needs with your partner?

9. Is this the relationship you expected, hoped or dreamed it would be?

10. When is the right time to get professional help with a relationship?

11. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the ideal, how would each of you rate your ability to resolve conflicts?

12. Do you and your partner share enough fun times, and what are some fun things you could do?

13. Do you spend at least 20 minutes a day talking about things other than children, finances, or work?

14. What are the 5 most romantic things your partner has ever done for you, or you wish he/she would do?

Lee Rosen and Jennifer Griffin introduce the podcast and provide some insight regarding future episodes.

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By Lisa and Bill Horst
(Owners of William Ashley Agency, a Raleigh traditional matchmaking service )

It seems that something becomes amiss somewhere between Cutting the Cake festivities and eating that last piece on your one-year anniversary. No one told you marriage was hard. Really hard. And that’s just the first year (pre-kids, multiple jobs, and a house purchase). Indeed, it seemed that finding your lifelong mate was the hard part; you’re home free after that! No more first dates, bad dates, or lonely nights with a bowl of ice cream.

The current popularity of chick flicks, reality TV dating shows, books, and courses on how to get married all attest to how hard this part, the part you got right, the part you hold right now, is. But that’s just the beginning. Oh, they tell you that. But no one really explains it. They say, “This is only the beginning,” in a way that seems like, “This is only the beginning of daily bliss until eternity.” Really, the day you get married is only the beginning of figuring how to keep two different people — no matter how well-suited — living and growing together for the next 50 years.

You pick up tips over the years from friends and family: Never go to bed angry. Hold hands when you fight to remind yourselves you’re always on the same side. Compromise. But these are tools (albeit good ones). They don’t get at some very basic truths: You Will Not Always Like — Let Alone Feel Loving Toward — Your Spouse. We all know couples who say they were born to be together. But more often than not, successful relationships are created by two willing and able individuals who have enough commonalities and chemistry to try to make a go of it. That means your spouse does not have 100 percent of the qualities on your mental checklist.

You’re married, so you’ve accepted this. But recognizing this means by default you do not like everything about him/her. And some days, that will mean that those less-than-endearing qualities will grate on your every last nerve more prominently than others. Some days, you will glance over at your spouse and think, “What am I doing with this person?” That’s okay. Because it’s not realistic to think that two wholly separate people — regardless of how well-matched they are — are going to be on the same page every day for the rest of their lives together. Hormones get out of whack. There are bad days at work. Daily life becomes cumbersome. Just be aware that the positive days outweigh the negative.

Marriage Is Not 50-50; It’s 110-0. Marriage is definitely a give-and-take. But compromise doesn’t necessarily mean that each person gives up something for the good of the whole. If you compromise in a 50-50 manner, neither spouse fully gets what he/she wants. No one is fully satisfied. Moreover, some days you are able to give more than you need to receive. Some days, you need to take. How you two complement each other indicates how the scales of giving and receiving will work. But it’s inevitable that there will be certain times when one spouse is doing a lot more giving than receiving. Just know that this give-and-take will fluctuate between the two of you: you might feel exhausted now, but you’ll get the support you need when you ask for it, too. Marriage Is Not An End Unto Itself or Yourself.

Particularly in the early years, it’s easy to become consumed by your passion and romance to the exclusion of much else. You stop doing things with girlfriends. You’d rather stay home and watch a movie than pick up a squash game with your buddies. You even start to look alike. But no one wants Death by Relationship. This suffocates both the relationship and your individual growth. Ensure you maintain all the reasons you were attracted to each other in the first place. Don’t neglect friends or family. Outside interests and relationships only help stimulate yours. As you mature together, find new common interests and explore individuals ones. For example, you both might want to take some classes at the local university, but it doesn’t have to be the same ones. Creating a strong sense of self, recognizing and building on what makes you, you, goes a long way toward maintaining a positive relationship.

By: Lesli Doares

This time of year finds us between two “romantic” holidays, New Year’s Eve, when we want to be with that special someone at the magical stroke of midnight, and Valentine’s Day, when we celebrate all that being in love means. It is almost unthinkable that we should spend either of these days alone when the rest of the world seems to be running around in pairs. It is also the time of year when we examine our lives and resolve to make changes, one of which may be to find or rekindle the excitement and passion of new love.

Humans are a contrary species. We want both the safety, security and comfort of a committed relationship as well as the breathless, swept off one’s feet exhilaration of being newly in love. As in most things, we have come to expect that we cannot have it all. How often have we heard, or been told, that someone loves somebody but is no longer “in love” with them? How many of us really understand what that means? Do we believe there is a difference or is it just another way to leave a relationship? Is it possible to fall in love stay in love? Yes, but first you must understand the process.
When we fall in love the world looks and feels different. The sun shines brighter, colors are more vivid, food tastes better, everything is more intense. We can stay up all night and still have energy to burn. Our every waking moment is focused on that special someone and their very presence can make the most mundane chore seem like an amusement park ride. We don’t give a second thought to things that just a short time ago consumed us. Our lives feel out of control but we are enthralled by the wild ride and have no intention of getting off. It is like we have found the perfect drug and in a way we have.

Falling in love is like being high on drugs, but these drugs are naturally produced by the body. The brain releases two neurotransmitters, dopamine and norepinephrine, when you become attracted to someone and start to fall in love. These neurotransmitters are responsible for your bright outlook, your increased energy and your sharpened sense of perception. Another neurotransmitter, phenylethylamine (PEA), is released when you are with your love giving you a sense of comfort and security. When you are separated levels of PEA drop causing your mood to crash and you experience symptoms of withdrawal, commonly called love sickness.

This stage of love also has a strong psychological component. You see your new love as made for you and completely without flaws. This person knows and meets all your needs without your needing to ask, or even mention. He/she is the solution to all of your emotional problems and will heal all of your childhood wounds. His/her love will make you whole and happy. In the immortal words in Jerry McGuire, your new love will “complete you.”.

Unfortunately, this top-of-the-world euphoria will not last. Usually within six months reality sets in and by the time eighteen to thirty-six months go by you are no longer “in love”. Our bodies are not meant to function in that heightened state for any longer than that. The initial surge of attraction and euphoria is an evolutionary strategy designed to ensure survival of the species. The time allotted to being in love is long enough to act on the attraction, begin the process of procreation and develop a more committed relationship. This new relationship needs to be a deeper and more intimate one that is consciously created if it is to last..

Creating a lasting and fulfilling relationship with one person requires commitment, the ability to compromise and a certain level of tolerance for emotional anxiety. We cling to the notion of “being in love” because in that state we feel alive and connected to those around us. We feel that we will die if we are not deeply connected to someone else. However, when we look to others to “complete us” we lose our ability to stand on our own two feet. We cannot survive as a separate entity if we only feel whole in the presence of another. The ability to function as an independent entity is what allows us to be truly and deeply connected to another. We are not a couple out of fear of being alone but because we make a conscious choice to be together.

A successful, long term relationship requires work and effort. It is based on giving up the fantasy of finding our “one true soul mate” and being secure enough to let our partner know how important he/she is in our lives. It requires us to love and honor our partner and put their needs and desires on a par with or above our own. Unfortunately most people do not have the tools that will enable them to make a success of a relationship once the bloom is off the rose of love. Our natural tendency is to retreat into ourselves when we are faced with an uncomfortable or unfamiliar situation. It is at this point that we must focus outward if we are to have a successful and fulfilling intimate relationship..

The first step is to be able to see the world through your partner’s eyes. The longer you are with someone the more your acts of love need to reflect their wants and desires instead of your own. If your partner’s idea of fun is to raft down swirling rapids, surprising him with a slow cruise around the Caribbean may not elicit the desired response. If your partner is overworked and stressed out doing a load of laundry or cleaning up the kitchen may be appreciated more than candy and flowers.
Another element necessary to a lifelong relationship is excitement. Excitement releases PEA into your system, gets your heart racing and brings back that intense initial feeling to your relationship. This recharges the system and deepens the emotional bonds. Making time to step outside the usual routine and focusing on being a couple on a regular basis can recharge your relationship.

Relationships take daily effort. It is easy to fall into a routine and take your relationship for granted. It is necessary to nurture the relationship as if it were a separate personality. It has needs that need to be met if it is to thrive and endure. It needs your time and attention as much as any other aspect of your life. You need to be mindful of your relationship and pay attention to its patterns. A relationship requires mutual respect between you and your partner. We often treat complete strangers better than those close to us. Be aware of how you treat each other.

Make time for playfulness and surprise. These qualities will bring back memories of your initial love for each other. Don’t be afraid to show your sensitive, caring side. Writing a love letter to your partner is a way to let your partner know how much you love him/her. Being vulnerable is scary but the payoff may be more consideration and passion from your partner. Create occasions for celebration that have deep meaning for you and your partner. Use what you know about each other’s history to surprise and delight each other. This connecting to a time when you did not know each other can create amazingly deep bonds.

As the celebratory day of love approaches revel in the joy of new found love if you have it. Understand that the constant high it brings is fleeting. If you understand the progression of love you will be able to incorporate this intensity into a more profound and intimate love that really can complete you.

By:Amy McMillan

“Healthy conflict” may sound like an oxymoron to some – a contradiction of terms. After all, if we are in conflict, we’re not healthy, right? Well, most relationship counselors will specifically disagree. In fact, to have healthy relationships, people must conflict sometimes. Conflict is inevitable, no one agrees with everyone all the time. The question is how to deal with it.

We know that if we have disagreement without acknowledgment, then we create a whole new host of problems. These can be labeled “conflict avoidant”, or “passive aggressive”, or “living quietly & miserably ever after”!! So, we have conflict. That’s life. That’s typical. That’s healthy! Now that we have determined that one must have conflict to be healthy, what constitutes healthy conflict?

Anger is a normal emotion. Anger is not right or wrong. It’s what we do with the anger that can be healthy or unhealthy. Healthy conflict is characterized by an ability to sort out differences in a way that is some what tolerated by those involved. I say some what, because at first the conflict may not be easily or comfortably tolerated, but with a little practice, tolerance levels become more balanced.

It is no secret that we all have different tolerance levels. People who have never been exposed to arguments or conflict may say, “I don’t know how to speak my mind to my spouse, my parents never disagreed in front of me.” People who grew up with fighting parents may have extreme tolerance because that is what they are accustomed to; or they may have no tolerance at all, because they are striving to “not live that way anymore”. Confusing, huh?

As a result of this confusion, and working with many couples of different tolerance levels, upbringings, cultural believes, and more – I have constructed the fair fight rules. These are designed as a guideline to help couples determine how to conflict as fairly, and as comfortably as possible with one another, while still speaking up and voicing their conflicting points of view. Couples can tailor the list with personal rules – agreeing never to bring up a specific topic in an argument for example, or agreeing to take a “time-out” when the discussion is getting too heated. Remember, the purpose is to resolve the conflict, not to simply vent the anger.

1. No threats during argument.
2. No blanket judgments or labeling generalizations.
3. Stay on the topic at hand.
4. No interrupting.
5. Stay in present tense.
6. Don’t argue in the dark.
7. Don’t walk away or leave the house without saying to your partner, “I’ll be back”.
8. No finger pointing.
9. Take responsibility for your thoughts. Use “I” language.
10. Write down the topic at the beginning to insure staying on topic and clarify the issue.
11. Try to avoid over-dramatization.
12. Allow time to collect your thoughts. Immediate response is not necessary.
13. Approach the argument with a problem solving attitude, rather than blame.
14. Try to avoid statements so critical that the other person has no course but to retaliate.
15. Don’t save up feelings and dump them all at once, try to air feelings often.
16. Try not to yell.
17. Don’t use abusive language or labels.
18. No gossip.
19. Speak for yourself.
20. Neither person is right, there are only differences. Both win when the conflict is resolved.
21. Admit you’re angry.
22. Go forth as equals. Don’t use power plays. Gauge the intensity of your anger to the ego strengths of the other person and be responsible with the things your mate has entrusted to you in your relationship. YOU ARE ON THE SAME TEAM!

If you cannot resolve the conflict, see a professional who can help each of you hear and understand one another. A relative, neighbor, or friend who usually doesn’t have the training, cannot remain as objective as a counselor, minister, psychologist, or psychiatrist.

Cary Behavioral Health Care
Amy McMillan, MEd, LPC
8000 Regency Pkwy, Ste 260
Cary, NC 27511
919-467-7130
“A comprehensive Approach to Mental Health”

(This excerpt should not be used as a substitute for counseling, and CBHC and clinicians therein have no liability to individuals who do not seek appropriate levels of treatment; all rights reserved).

By Charlotte A. Michie, MS, MSW, LCSW

Relationships are like gardens; they can be thriving with lots of flowers, or overrun with weeds. Marriages, like gardens, need tending for them to prosper.
Ten ways to cultivate your intimate relationship are:

1. Be open to change. Change is something that can not be avoided. Learn to embrace it by focusing on “what is” rather than on “what should be”.
2. Learn to listen. Real listening is based on intention. If your intention is on getting your needs met, then you are not doing real listening but pseudo listening.
3. Be open to new ways of being together. Consider doing different activities as a couple as a way to add zest to your relationship.
4. Take care of yourself. The ability to love another person is based on how well you care for your self.
5. Be grateful, each day, for one thing about your companion. Accent the positive rather than the negative. Your relationship will thrive.
6. Be generous. Difficulties arise when the focus is exclusively on what is wrong in the relationship. Remember your spouse, like you, is doing their best.
7. Ask for support. Your spouse is not a mind reader. Let your spouse know how you want to be supported.
8. Risk being vulnerable. Be willing to let your spouse know how you feel rather than pretend or avoid your feelings.
9. Make time for each other. Scheduling time together, on a weekly basis, will alleviate stress in your marriage.
10. Learn to respond to each other rather than react. Reacting is an impulsive act. While it may provide immediate relief, it will often have long-term negative consequences.